Before college (and during the first few years of it, to be honest), I didn’t think much about makeup. I put some on every now and then for special occasions or when going out, but I didn’t like the idea of “putting my face on” before I left my dorm room every morning. To me, makeup seemed like something women wore to impress others or to make themselves more appealing. I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I don’t care what other people think of me, and I live my life accordingly. To me, putting on makeup was an admission that I cared about how attractive others found me, and it ground my wannabe badass gears.
Now that I’m in my senior year of college, I wear makeup almost every day. For fun. I keep up with trends and follow beauty influencers on every social media platform. I even have my own YouTube channel dedicated to makeup. So what changed?
I’ve always been confident in who I am, but underlying this confidence is a little bit of insecurity. Pretty regularly, I think I’m fat and acne-ridden, but at least I’m smart! Which is not very “cool-girl” of me. I firmly believe that beauty comes from within, but the sad truth is that it’s easier to see your inner beauty when you also like the outer you. So, last year I looked up a few tutorials and started experimenting with my look, and thus began my obsession with makeup. I love the feeling I get when I create a new eyeshadow look or perfect my winged eyeliner. It’s something akin to powerful.
For me, makeup is an instant confidence booster and a creative pursuit all at once. I never considered myself to be artistic, but makeup is slowly changing my perspective. I put a little green concealer on my red spots, brush on some foundation, and bam, I’ve got a blank canvas every morning and infinite possibilities. With one hobby I’ve found my creative side and a confidence that I didn’t realize I was missing. I still roll out of bed and go to class makeup-free some days, but rather than thinking of them as my “ugly” days, I think of them as my “blank canvas” days.